Rediscovering My Sense of Self with AdventurUs

testimonials

Mar 4

Elle’s Testimonial

“The AdventurUs Escape to Bend reminded me that although life has been forever changed, we can still find community, joy, and ourselves.”

Content note: This story includes personal reflections on mental health and isolation.

Elle is seated at the campsite organized by AdventurUs.

I consider myself an outdoors-ish person. The outdoors has always brought me strength, gratitude, tears of happiness and frustration, and deep awe for both the world and myself. Yet, in the year leading up to the Escape in Bend in May 2021, I had barely spent any time outside at all.

The pandemic reshaped everything. I was a junior in college when it began, and suddenly I found myself living in the uncertain space of early post-graduate life. When the campus shut down, I did not fully grasp what I was about to lose. I still grieve the senior year that never happened. The stars I never saw in Joshua Tree. The swims I never took near Sequoia National Park. The simple comfort of being in a place where I felt understood and seen for who I was.

Isolation brought anxiety, and with it, distance from the outdoors. Solitude is something I usually cherish in nature. Being alone, letting go of the noise of the world, and reconnecting with myself. But during the pandemic, as more people flocked outdoors, I felt increasingly unsafe and disconnected. I was adventuring less than ever before, carrying a quiet sense of shame that I had not “made the most” of this time, a feeling reinforced by much of the outdoor media I consumed.

Living in an outdoor-focused city only heightened that pressure. I wanted to get outside, but I was also deeply afraid. I worried about getting sick and about protecting others. Over time, as the pandemic dragged on, it felt increasingly impossible to return to the outdoors at all.

When I arrived at the Bend Escape, I was one week away from graduating from college and had just completed my final class. I cried on and off during the four-hour drive, overwhelmed by a sense of loss and transition. Then I pulled into the LOGE Camp in Bend. I saw the AdventurUs tent. I was greeted by smiling faces. In that moment, I made a quiet decision to let myself feel the experience as it unfolded, rather than staying anchored in what had been lost.

A woman riding the bike at the camp organised by AdventurUs.

Negotiating New Boundaries with Myself

My first activity of the weekend was mountain biking. I had woken up with a severe allergic reaction to sunscreen and had taken medication that left me groggy and uncomfortable. I tried to push through, but eventually I had to step away.

What stayed with me was not the discomfort but the response. I was encouraged to take care of myself without shame. No one questioned my choice. In that women-centered space, I learned that I did not have to push myself to a breaking point to be worthy of belonging.

The following day, I went rock climbing with She Moves Mountains. I had climbed occasionally as a child, but not much since. As a fat person, group outdoor activities had long felt intimidating. After a year indoors, I was unsure of my strength or my ability.

On the wall, I was never forced to do more than I was ready for. The women around me encouraged exploration without pressure. There was no judgment of my body and no disappointment when I chose to stop short of the top. Instead, there was patience, trust, and support.

Elle is climbing the rock mountain during the adventure camp organised by AdventurUs.

The most transformative moments, however, happened each evening. We gathered around the fire, wrapped in blankets, sharing stories and laughter. Slowly, I began to piece myself back together. I was different from what I had been before. A little scuffed. Not the same person. But I learned that I could still be loved and supported as I was.

I left the Escape with new friends and a network of women who were powerful in their own unique ways. The AdventurUs Escape to Bend reminded me that even though life has changed, community and joy are still possible. And so is rediscovering yourself.

May 2021